Wednesday, February 15, 2012

An attempt at a gingerbread house

This would be my little sister's gingerbread house.

Mom wanted Pipsqueak to be able to make a "real" gingerbread house, with homemade icing and gingerbread... A fine idea, and she made a noble attempt, but something went oh-so very wrong. 
How did they get from homemade gingerbread, to cheap white Saltines and green slime that resembles something greasily and distantly related to icing?

I believe it began with my mother's incessant urge to mess with recipes in all the wrong ways.. But really, in all fairness, the gingerbread shouldn't have freaked out the way it did.  She combined the graham cracker recipe with a gingerbread recipe and there you go- bam, the result is a cakey substance that looks ok but when scraped off the pan and glued together with the green (why?..) icing, you have a disappointing excuse for a house with bad foundations and a monstrous cave-in that, when "fixed" and patched only falls apart more and looks like a heap of slimy crap. 

The ginger-graham cracker was too crumbly and weak, and the fact that it had just come out of the oven when they tried to put it together might have something to do with the unfavorable result... A faulty amount of excitement, and lack of patience probably didn't help much.

Hum.  And from there I'm sure you can imagine how things deteriorated from there.  Mom goes wack and grabs the mound of cake with her hands, squishes it  between her fingers with the crazed look of a woman who's picturesque winter afternoon has been utterly and completely bombed out of existence by a nuclear mushroom cloud, and throws the mangled fist full back down on the pan in a fit of frustration... With the four year old laughing hysterically through it all.

So, she gives the kid a box of off-brand Saltine crackers made with the cheapest white flour on the face of the planet.  We don't even buy Saltines, I don't even know how they got in our pantry.  Why crackers??? I still don't understand  XD  It gets better.
Mom realizes that we don't have any candy for Pipsqueak to stick to the cracker outhouse.  ha.  So she cuts up an ORANGE- yea, the fruit- and gives it to her to stick to the crappy creation. 

Ahh well then, life in a house full of wackos.  Keeps things entertaining  ;)